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Official Cosmopolitan Liar's Poker Rules

The Ethics of Liar's Poker and King-of-the-Hill Rules

Pre-Game: Players must buy-in with a minimum of $20 to be exchanged by the “Treasurer” who generally has approximately $300 in clean single dollar bills (no “ringer-bills” are allowed). It is courteous and gracious to ask for $19 in return for the purpose of contributing $1 toward a free Long-Island-Iced-Tea (LIIT) for the Treasurer. It is proper to do this only once –not for any subsequent re-buys.

-All games should have rules....Read and memorize them

1. Ethics of Liar’s Poker:

a- Taunting, harassing and teasing others during the game are acceptable and encouraged tactics. It is also proper to refer to other players as “Lying Assholes” particularly when you suspect mendacity. Loud outbursts of profanity are also acceptable.

b- During play, it is courteous to show your bill to a neighbor when you give a “Zero” contribution toward making the bid. It is more gracious to ask your neighbor, “Do you see any?” ...then to offer the zero apologetically.

c- When the expression, “Have you won tonight?’ is used, it is proper to follow the expression with a “Pass”.

d- The 60-second rule: When it is your turn to bid-time, and your bid consists of: rolling eyes, glancing at the ceiling or stars, mumbling inanities including deceptive bullshit, scratching testicles, etc.: it is proper and respectful to bid within 60-seconds to keep others from “eyes-glazing-over” syndrome.

e- Drinking to excess is acceptable and encouraged.

f- It is ethical, proper and respectful to refer to those who, frequently “go for the slam” as “Mr. Big Cojones” while those who seldom (or never) “go for it” may be referred to as “Mr. Shriveled Nuts” -or see Orchidectomy (surgical removal of testicles) or suffering from Kallman’s syndrome (improper maturing of testicles).

g- The honor of giving the very first bid in a new game each month is reserved for the current King-of-the-Hill. This initial bid should be delivered with great pomp from a standing position. The current King-of-the-Hill should be treated with respect throughout his reign. He may respectfully be referred to as “Your Highness” or "Your Great Cahonies”.

h- Early Departures: Announcing, “Well, I’m going home” -while one is financial ahead -should properly be accompanied with, “Can I buy you suckers a round of drinks before I leave?” and is highly encouraged.

I- Forced Bidding: If any player "passes" twelve times in-a-row, the "Nyberg Rule" kicks in. That player must make a bid on his 13th bid, regardless of the consequences. After the forced bid, the pass-count reverts to zero. 

Note: Although the game is called Liar’s Poker (during bidding), it is beyond reproach to declare a count on your bill any less or more than the actual total. Read your bill very carefully. Use glasses, flashlights, etc....to ensure you get it right! People have been shot for cheating in poker games. 

2. King-of-the-Hill:

a- Defined: When the player “on the bubble” amasses the bid count -without holding any of the bid number, it is usually referred to as a “Grand Slam” or simply a “Slam”. Achieving this “King of the Hill” status is a great honor, and should be taken seriously. The winner will receive 3X (three times $1) and more importantly, a sustaining standing Ovation. This should also be accompanied with cheering along with statements of congratulations including: “The King is dead….Long live the King!” -no booing is allowed.

b- Quorum for K-of-the-H: At least 5 (five) active members of the Cosmopolitan Investment Club must be playing to make a quorum. In short, guests of members who attended the investment club meeting or anyone invited (from the hotel or anywhere) does not count when establishing the quorum. For example, a dozen people could be playing, but at least 5 active members of the Cosmopolitan Investment club must be in the game for K-of-the-H to be active. Likewise, the K-of-the-H title cannot be taken by just a few (2,3 or,4) guys in attendance. Naturally, the "Slam" is always in play, but when playing without a quorum, you can win a "Grand Sam" for a triple payout, but the Official "King-of-the-Hill" status is simply NOT in play. The highly coveted status as King-of-the-Hill is special. 

c- King-of-the-Hill Rights: The current King of the Hill should be treated with utmost respect at all times during the game. Respectful and gracious players should periodically offer to buy the King a drink of his choice. Remember, he is on his way to a triple-crown (see below).

The Triple Crown: The "King-of-the-Hill" status is awarded $3 along with a standing “O” when he makes a "Grand Slam". When a “Double Crown” is achieved (two consecutive slams), the award shall be $4 from each player along with a standing “O”. When a “Triple Crown” is achieved (a third consecutive slam), the award shall be $5 from each player -along with a trophy to be ceremoniously awarded at the next meeting. All players are expected to contribute to the coveted trophy's cost.

d.- Dumb-Ass-Loser Rule: If a slam bid is made (the bubble has none) and the total count is also zero, then the dumb-ass bidder (who went for the grand slam) is obligated to: rise, apologize, and pay out $2 to each player. Optional: He should apologize profusely to the King and offer him a drink.

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